Khaki Bermudas

I have been thinking of setting up this post long time ago but I could not find the way to represent the complexities of the situation in its barest form. By barest, it does not mean “R21” but rather a quick relation or realization to the topic of the post. Ha! It seems more and more like I am trying to act “Cheem” but I am not. In this posting, you can partake in some way or another. I hope you do get involve in someway because this would enable you to feel what I wanted to bring across. Please, there are no multiple choices because in life there just are not so many clear cut choices. Alright, below is how the story goes…

You are having a meal in a food court with your family and everyone was chit chatting about almost every other things. You have a cup of traditional coffee in the style of “Yakun” (coffee cup that has a saucer under) and other than the coffee that you are having filled to the brim, the spilled-over coffee also settled upon the saucer. Now you see an auntie or uncle wiping the table next to you (common sight as the stain of coffee often need to be wiped off). You try to go for your cup of coffee, how would you approach it?

This was what that went through my mind. Thinking the auntie or uncle would have a tough time wiping the table, I decided to lift the cup and scrap the bottom of the cup against the side of the saucer to rid the spilled over in case they drip on the table. After my sip, to further ensure that the table would be stain free, I put my cup back into the saucer. Before I leave the coffee shop, I had one last sip of the coffee. I did not repeat scrapping the cup against the saucer. “Drip”, “Drop” two little drops of coffee landed like the Hiroshima bombs on my khaki bermudas. I smiled.

I read about Cause and Effect in Buddhism long time ago. At that moment, the coffee drip upon my Khaki bermudas, I understood what the theory implies.

“…the destiny of beings is not the outcome of mere blind chance, nor does it depend upon the arbitrary action of an imaginary creator, but that our destiny is to be traced back to our own former actions…”

(http://www.hinduwebsite.com/sacredscripts/buddhism/fundamentals_of_buddhism.asp)

There were many actions that, I or even you, could have taken based on the situation given. For every one of the actions that we commit ourselves to, there would be an effect, upon others or ourselves or even on everyone else.

I went to the toilet at Marina Square, took some toilet paper, dapped them with water and started rubbing my khaki Bermudas.

A**hole

Came to know of a new a**hole. A hypocrite make me sick to the core. Whatever happen in his short miserable life made him the way he is man? I pray that he will change for the better. I know shooting him here makes no sense but i need an avenue to vent the frustrations. Care to share any two-freaking headed snake out there guys? TMD! Trying to be a smart a** making every little single comment he made seems smart alecky. My threshold for angry bust up is really a big barrrel and this Bas**** top it to the brim man! BUT still have to suck it up because you are a freaking trainee!! Na bei!! I am a human being... I deserve the very right to be treated like one. On one should be above me or be below me because it just doen not make sense. The structure of corporate world leaves me with a sick feeling in my mouth...

煙

我染上了煙癮
不是一個讓我享受的毒隱
是揮之不去的心情
我把自己逼到害怕籠罩灰色的牢
獨自空虛 獨自嘆氣 嘆出致命的那吸
我怎麼心虛 I DONT KNOW WHY
世界諷刺我的傷痕累累 寂寞羨慕我沒人了解
獨自蹲在世界排擠的角落 還有毒隱陪伴
就算曲終人散 IT HURTS LESS

Tiong Bahru Bangawan Solo Philo Lesson

Me, Willy, Youyi were sitting down at Bangawan solo having the late afternoon tea. We were wondering how one of our friends is coping with his "new-found" and "reborn" life. We shared the same view as each other and we were all at least going in the same direction as each other. With no opposition to fire away its side of the story, it made our views seem so right and just and philosophical!!

We have a friend, who seems to have changed, but shades of his yester years remains and who seems to be the same, but have changed. We are confused, or is he? Has it been tough for him? Supressed feelings maybe? Thinking twice about doing things?

Are we the ignorant ones? Probably so. Much was said but little was remembered. However much that was said, little will change.

"You all wont understand" as they always love to claim. But did you ever try to help us understand? I would love to know... Or maybe there wasn't anything at all to understand.

自痺

It seems like a sad love posting... but it really is not... Read on please... It is important!

我拒絕異常現象
希望一切如同往常
平淡會少一點傷

我拒絕擁抱
對愛距離抱持一定
像一雙筷子 靠近卻不在一起

我的世界 自己對自己
不要來打擾 不要來試著了解
以為你會明白 你不會

我自己對著自己
我表達 我明白
你永遠無法喚醒已經沉睡痲痺的感覺

你那像滿園子里枯落的葉 的眼淚
我不能體會 不能感覺
不要哭 不要浪費眼淚
冷冷的心對待你的心碎

如果我是自痺 以上的表達不能畫上據點
也沒有開始的機緣 為你落一滴淚

The above post reflects my feelings for the people with autism. Never enough that i write could ever express the feelings they have and the hardships and struggles they go though every single day. I hope the posting would be able to raise some awareness among my friends about autism. Got the inspirations from a show on channel U or channel 8 recently about autistic people and it affected me badly enough to want to share my thoughts and how i feel.

These shows made me realise just how lucky i am. To have to just experience 1% of what the parents and the autistic child go through would have severely crippled me. What am i to continue pursuing the seemingly "important" things in my life? Maybe they will have a less significant importance from now on? I don't really know. I may fall back to the realm of darkness, into the depths of trying hard to achieve something that always remain elusive...

For the moment it set my sights shorter, and it is a good thing. I feel less need to walk further when i see nearer. I take a step at a time at my pace enjoying the sceneries along the way. I don't want to play the games you guys play. It makes me very tired sometimes. I want to rest...