Soccer write up gone!!

Wrote a piece before this on the sad state of the local Tiger cup champions and how they were tame by the region's soccer teams. But the computer crash and all the write up goes to waste... si bei no mood to write about any things. No special updates on my schedule since the last post and won't have anything special to share but i try come up with some things soon. Haiz... til my computer don't hang... Bye

November Love

It rains again this morning. It has been like this for the past few mornings. I looked out of my room to the busy street across the road, leaves were all over the pavements. The puddles of water on the grass patches beside those pavements shivering with ripples had the dizzles raining upon them. The cars in the car park are few and far between, the only silver one park just below had a red car plate on it. It does not go out till it is weekends or after 7pm. Why do i feel the same as "IT"? Today is a week day, yet another day when i can wonder my life away when others rush busily to work. How lucky i feel... Hey i do have to work today, but it is going to be at 2pm. I started to have the feelings i developed during the days of National Service. The unwanting feeling to move to take the hour long travel, maybe for all jobs that i may have to undertake would made me feel this way but i dont like these feelings. They suffocate me. The desire to succeed is strong but the ability may be lacking. I ask myself questions everyday. These are really tough questions i have no solutions, no answers to. When i cannot find the answers i desire, i dream. I dream about travelling, playing music, doing things that will take me off these thirsty questions wanting a solution. Life shouldn't be difficult. Things should be kept simple and easy. We all complicate our lifes. Complicate it with the desires that drive us, complicate it with the way we would be perceive by others, complicate it with failure, complicate with the music that drive us nuts every night we go to "rest". We no longer rest well enough when you are lying on the bed ridden with the needles of problems the would faced you right smack in the eyes when you open the very eyes you closed to "rest".

Things should be simpler. Things should be easier. I no longer desire the money that comes along with complications. Subtle things hurts us most since we never know how it will hurt us and to guard against them are futile efforts for we do not even know what they are. Lay your hearts out and do what is possible and able to yourself. Failure is always an option. Its another way out, out of the complications causing us much distress. You win the many sweet dreams that comes along after dusk. Failure is a lack at the ability to do something, not all things, so take heart at this. Know what you do best and the mist of complications clear the air around.

Specimen A

Its about time i start writing something here before any faithful followers of my blog become bore at the less than frequent postings. How about me writing a story so that you guys can come and read once a while and gets updated about the life of the characters in the story? This would be a rather nice thought, isn't it? Hmm... Come to think of it, there are a few rather interesting things i would like to share before i start on something this ambitious (writing a book that is) .

My life is full of interesting characters. If these characters are not at all exciting, then would be the friends of these characters that never fails to draw in some laughters. Lets start with specimen A.

Specimen A:
A is a nerdy someone since secondary school days. I feel that A is rather girly because of the way A wears P.E shorts so high up showing off the perfectly aligned, hairless, slender legs. If A is to wear what A wore today and parade Delta swimming complex, many "friends" will want to jump readily onto A's ass. For the past few years coming till today, A got closer to us. Maybe its because of the dramatic changes that occured to A during those times that brought us closer together. We saw him weep, gotten upset over lost love and got stunned. Freaked out man! Never had such experience talking to guys over such mushy stuffs. We just pat A's back and continued drinking. How sensitive we were! Things started growing from then and drinking sessions got from some to more and to a lot then PUKE!! During these times, A went to the gym to beef himself up and we all followed. Perservance for us took a back seat while that for A accelerated. Not for a good thing though because A's soccer skills took a Ruud's diving and clumsy became a descriptive word for him. A is still stuggling today to find back his touch for the golden game but we all doubt if he ever will... and even if he does, maybe we won't be playing anymore... ;)

So much for A's story...we talk about the other weirdoes next time...

It's Quiet

I have started out on my shift duties at the Changi towers. Working shifts make me feel very alone. It is like living in the world of my own and even as i am typing this all my friends are all slogging their hearts out at work while i am on my off. There is no one to play with me and that quietness is not something i can get use to yet. I miss my dosage of sunday soccer and the gathering of friends for drinks. These would break the awkward silence in my world and i can be comforted for a while. I am not depressed but i just feel alone in a busy world...

台北

清晨６：５３分

天开始亮了　心也静下来了

音乐放了“我真的受伤了”

我静静的想起你了

想起离别时的你声音怎么哽咽了

他们都说九年的感情一定冷淡了

但我怎么又再想念你了

想念在飞往台北前夕　每一分

他们都说没斗过嘴就没法了解自己

但我怎么都没有忘了

爱你曾经是那么的不容易

真的不容易所以让我十分珍惜

两个人的包容让爱情有了解　

也让此刻的想念变的强烈

我的心真的想念了

天开始亮了　

心也静下来了 音乐也低声了

相片

累了嗎…
翻來覆去，
睡意卻忘了我的氣息。
已習慣有了寂寞坐陪﹐
在夜裡思念恥笑我的可憐。
背井離鄉盡是如此的讓我思念﹐
思念在這冰冷的房間。
口袋裡的陳舊相片﹐
我望着你﹐已模糊的臉。
你是否還留在原地
把愛停留在瞬間讓我追尋。
還是被嫁給了世界﹐
聘禮竟是所有黃昏的傷悲。
記憶還是屬于過去﹐
未來不會有你我一起走過的足跡。

Trade

We all are really nice people. We are nice to our family, friends, maybe colleagues. The motivation for being nice stretches from genuine affection to play acting. The challenge is to distinguish fact from fiction. This is, however, the toughest job due to anyone who has fallen prey to the needle now stuck at the back of ass. We have all suffered some kind of a betrayal in our lives. When we have been betrayed and your pride abused, the abuser becomes the focus of our hatred. This i feel is unfair to the abuser!! Not that i am a abuser of faith placed on me by my friends but rather my feelings are more swayed by the fact that we are all selfish creatures.

Why are we good to who we want to be good to? There have to be a reason... And that reason stems from the fact that we can derived something out of them.
From family: Support and love
From friends: Help and understanding and fun
From colleauges: Co-operation and a easier climb to the top
It seems a little cruel or even devoid of feelings to measure the affection shown by friends and family as some kind of a trade. But spare it some thoughts please... If your dad has never shown you any kind of love in the past, as when you were a child, you would have not repaid him in most comforting ways. If, from your friends you cannot derived understanding, fun or a little help once in a while, would you consider them as friends? If, from your colleauges co-operations is not derived, most probably you have won yourself an enemy...

We have all treated in some way the relationships we have with others as some kind of a trade... Scary a thought isn't it? hahaha... And for those who wants to use EXCEPTIONS to combat the above thoughts, i would like to remind them that those are exceptions and the above is REAL.
My only encouragement would be for all to be the exceptions to the thoughts above...

FOG

Creating some posts for the sake of creating them takes much pain and awkwardness. Here i am indulging in the feels of them with the song "COLD" by Matchbox 20 playing in the background. A damn lousy song which i had chosen to spoil my sureal morning... Shit! I hate it!
My life had been full of choices and to decide upon the routes to take made me realised that i had to contend and then lived with the decisions i made. A bad song that spoils my morning would be one of such unsuspected outcomes i am already living with. Minor it may seems, but the logic applies to the bigger things of my life; just that the analogy is simpler here.

I am trying to find the right words to type into the blog and finding only this sentence which happens to be the one that i most often used. Much of my blog pieces do really start with not knowing what to type and then finally writing huge chunks of idealistically unpractical blogs. If i really have nothing to write, the blog piece should just end in NO words! It should not even have anything on! The blog should not even have started. Irony... I guess we creatures are confused beings trying to find our way in these thick fog of whispering forrests. At least for me, i am confused but i still manages to lie through my teeth everytime i say i got nothing to blog about and then come up with something... Amazing!

In recent times i have discovered the stubborness in my nature. Stubborness in beliefs rather than in character. Yes! i believe they are different if your next question is "what's the diff?". I am an easying going guy and willng to try and follow the things my friends suggests or do even if i have some reluctance to. That stubborness in character i do not have. However, the stubborness of beliefs is really strong in me. This has become a weakness that i have recently found covered in a layer of thick crismson blood beneath my heart. i have always hold true to my own ideas about religious beliefs and love to challenge the fundamental ideas of them. I find myself losing the gound every time. Reason? I do not have the arsenal of knowledge to combat them. If some day i really do have the weapon of mass destruction to overcome them, i would already have been with them and be with their cause. Ha! Amazing yah? My stubborn beliefs had blinded me against the words of others. I was like a glass full of red wine unwilling to be filled at all. We all know that to learn we have to be like an empty glass, but how many of you guys due to the stubborness in your beliefs have refused to even allow the occurance for the chance to test and accept other beliefs and thoughts? That stubborness in my own beliefs narrowed the way i view my way of life a.k.a my religion, my behaviours and actions. I am glad that i have finally come out of such a fog and my whispering forest becomes clear once more...

"If you do not finish the post or feel in anyway that this post is rubbish... the stubborness in your beliefs would have fog up my whispering forests.." Morgan

A Bottle of Red Wine

I had the luxury of enjoying a bottle of red wine with 2 of my khahis at boat quay on saturday. The wine was good. The atmosphere was just fine considering the fact that we hadn't had any good place to chill out when Wet and Whistle closed it doors. It may have been better if there were just jazz music and the seats were a little cosier. It would also have helped if they had more than one pencil and song book for the whole pub to share.

Khaki ONE was treating the red wine like coca cola. I didn't even think he enjoy the drink, only the company of me and Khaki TWO. Khaki ONE apparently just gulp down the wine mouthfuls by mouthfuls and allegedly agreed that the wine was good. Kudos to him for making the effort to enjoy the drink. AH... One other thing was when he sang, he let out a shiek during a start of the song. I quite like this part. It was funny, at least to me.

Khaki TWO was a tad sick to fully enjoy and bask in the fun. However, i believe the marlboro was treating his illness very well. Unless the government bans smoking, i do not think he is going to quit any time soon. Lets hope nothing bad happens! AH... we both spotted a piece of meat that looked very much like sashimi in the urinal. Can you believe it? Which moron would throw sashimi in the urinal? Does he expect that big lump of meat to get flushed down the 10 over small holes in the urinal? Yuck!

I was enjoying the wine though i cannot really differentiate between what's or good or bad wine. As long as they all taste the same as the previous one i had then i guess they are good.
The sharing of a common space, a bottle of wine, a common concensus upon the idea of good wine just amazes me. The outcome of the trip was definitely good. But the idea that left a good impression upon us was really not identical.
Khaki ONE: The company the wine was share with.
Khaki TWO: The chance to smoke without hiding and the taste of the wine.
Me: The long forgotten times that we once had at Wet.
Old things interest me. They have a history behind them that gives them the character and mystery. Old times are the same. Forgetting the times shared together are especially easily when we are all tied down by the work we had to do.

The bottle of red wine i had with them brings back some sweet, smoothing memories we had. Just like the taste of the wine.

Inequality

Recent incidents have only proven the moral degradation of the human nature. The NKF chief scandal causes much upheaval to otherwise ignorant public about the money that was to be for the sick people. The gold plated tap which was least expensive in the eyes of the Chief was the salary of a man for the month. How could balance of the world be tipped to such an extent that the rich poor divide just grows and grows! Ridiculous! Isnt us all suppose to be upon equal standings. Such prolification of ideas seems only reasonable in the eyes of the Law, but even in it does the evil of inequality persists. When has the equality of man that change? Why did we come to this stage whereby people are judge based on the wealth they accumulated either through their own or their forefathers? When did all these inequalitable entities come to such an extent that extravagance on the part of one is bears the livelihoods of many others?

"Too many such questions numbs my mind. I need a break. Please give me the answers. I cannot wait."

An innocent commuter

The bomb went off killing the innocent commuters that wasn't in anyway in any part of the disputes that the world and its leaders are at. Victims of these cruel bloodsheds are often always the masses; they do not have the top level security the leaders enjoy. Easy targets for the vicious and terroristic attuned vultures that prey upon them. The blast has shaken and woken the communities to stay vigilant against the real threat of terror. London may be nautical miles away but the chance of such events occuring here remains very high. Remember the planned bomb attacks that was to be carried out by the local terror group? They had filmed the layout of Yishun Mrt station and planning to execute the demolition. Even though their targets have been the US forces that had been stationed here, innocent bystanders would defintely feel the impact of such brutality.
"We have to stay strong and not let such acts of brutality stops us from moving on."
"We will not give up on the way of life that we have been living."
Words that conveyed such messages vibrates the drums of our ears especially in such times. But SO WHAT? My concern is to go to work and earn a living to feed my family. The conflict the world and its leaders has with the disillsioned has now becomes my problem, when in no way i was really part of the equation. I hate the dynamics at work here. But this is just going to be the way things would be for a long time to come and i would pray hard and be thankful that i remain safe when i reach my destinations. For the Londoners killed, they are the victims of the dynamics in these crazy world we have come to built. We have built a world where the destruction becomes the avenue for the expression of "freedom" and by forcifully subduing the destructors we hope to create a facade of peace. These are expressions for the meaning of the word FAKE, DISILLUSION and PANDEMONIUM. Such is the world we reside in, and that can only be getting to the destruction of the world.
As the G8 Submit meets to solve the poverty issues of the world at large, the threat of terror remains the top agenda on the list of the EU and the United States. As the blast has gone off in the city centre of London attacking the main vein of the transportation systems, we can draw parallels to the 9-11 incident in New York amd Pentagon in Washington D.C. The focus of the disillusioned has shifted. It has shifted to the European countries as the United States tighten its security. As the US and EU beomes more vigilant, the eye of threat may yet shift again towards the Asia Pacific Region. I hope however it will not happen to me.
I am just a innocent commuter going to work in Changi Airport. There may be pregnant lady beside me, a school boy with schoolbag packed with books, a sexily dressed office girl, maybe there will be a grandfather dozing off on the train. I am just a innocent commuter...

守护星

我想寻找守护星的意义
但荧光屏数十行诗句没法传达我的心意
守护你的心没有字可以传递
守护你的星让它默默跟随
我想把守护星包装得亮亮晶晶
却发现完美的无缺让世界疲惫
我的平凡和缺陷让我的世界轻松不累
我的不亮不晶是你灿烂散发而愿意
守护星守护我们真挚单纯的爱情
守护星守护你的寂寞心情让孤寂没了头绪
守护星守护每一个你我的心跳
就让它带我们走
路途在遥远在危险
它会守护
守护你我的心

A letter to Colin

Dear Colin,

I have seen the change in you and the way you live our life. It is heartening to see the cheerful smile and that strong character that you eluded when you gave the speech on your wedding. You have grown in more ways than one. Life experiences made us stronger people, sometimes they destroy the very beliefs we have about life. BUT we do manage to recover!

Work, like what you message me on monday morning, has taken a different meaning; you now have your families to care for. Responsibilities to fulfil may take its toil babe but praise the lord for he will watch out for you and life the burden off your shoulders like he once did.

I,myself, while making the video for the wedding felt very touch by the "feel" you and peggy eluded. Even when i have seen it many times during the making, i felt touch and tears swarm my weary eyes when i felt the emotions. Such feelings are true and real, and it comes from you to peggy as well as from peggy to you. These feelings touch me and made me believe in what i do and what i love to do. That is to love! I wish "forever love" in your new journey with peggy who walk besides you...

From someone who felt the love,
JunKai

Life

"..we all appreciate life, but never taste it..."

Sunny Day

I have just started out on my first real job; Air Traffic Controller. Monday will be the start of my first course and for 3 months i will have to be hitting the books again. I hope those modules will be less taxing on the mind to allow me more time to do the video edittings for the wedding videos that i took recently. I really got nothing much to express other than waiting for my gal to call me, as i am typing the posts, to pick up the "BA ZHANG"(RICE DUMPLINGS). The only reason why i am posting this is to hope you listen to this song by CORRINE MAY "Let It Go". Yes! It wont make you feel better on bad day... The song has no theraputic effect, those sudden changes in moods comes only from the very conciousness of your private & secret emotions... This song only hopes to spur that conciousness of yours...

Holi"DAY"

Hi all! For all those that has visited and seen that nothing new had been published, i would have to apologise for my laziness and unwillingness to the commitment to posting because too many things just filled my agenda.

From the day i posted the last one which was on the 14th, i had been to 2 trips; Bintan Angsana Resort and Tioman Paya Beach. I really love the the sun, sand but not so much the sea. After all the hype and excitement has sunk in, i am back in my melancholy mood. As much as i have very much to write about those places, i cannot express myself well enough in words. Nevertheless, effort shall be encourage by the ignorance of my linguistic abilities.

My trip to Bintan Angsana with Sandy made me appreciate a liitle more of her. I felt that having been together through these 8 years brought for us the chance to see the relationship develop in many different ways; as a friend, partner, and a couple. The problem in all relationship is the ability for it to last once the fiery passion of the charging hormones subsides. At least i never felt that way, i hope i never will. Every step in the past years that went along the way, we try the best we could to walk together and there are times when the path was a little difficult to track upon; i can still remember the every sunday night that she will accompany me at my place before i had to book in to my camp during national service. Those days were the saddest but at least she was there always. Even though i never really felt the importance of her then, i have to say i am really touch by all those little things she did for me which an immature sucker like me then would never appreciate. I feel so bastardly and sick of myself! Sorry babe! Such trips allows me to have a better understanding of the relationship and through these trips when the mind is relax, we are able to communicate more effectively and gets to do different things. Such experimentations are catalytic inducers that spurs the passion for the relationship. I hope to go on another trip with her and the next time i wish to be going to a winter melbourne and have a chocolate brownie under the warmth of the buring charcoal by the Yarra River upon the night sky...

My Tioman trip was with the willy, tua na, CB, and kah wee. Even though we are close friends, i never felt that there was a chance for a heart to heart talk about the stuffs we would like to know more about but feels shy to ask. Maybe we are not ready for it or the expressions of emotions for guys are generally tedious unless of course we are gays. We all had a good time playing soccer by the beach, snokerlling in a not so many fishes seas and swimming in a super small pool. Not forgetting the food we had at the restaurant and the way Liverpool snatch the game away from the hands of A.C Milan. Yes! How can i forget the many chicken burgers and milo or teh O ice! Shiok! I hope to have another trip with them or may be others can tag along the next time. The next time we may do exactly the very same things but we, however, may be a very different person already and i hope to get to know more about the different person.

A Day Without Rain

I just love this piece of music so much... This is from Enya's album a day without rain. The lyrics is from one of the song or music "Pilgrim". Reflects the struggles we go through each day to find the reasons for the things we are doing or have done, the routes we took that lead to our dreams... Or are those just the prophecies foretold by others in the life we have lived or will be living...
I really like this piece of music... Strangely this song seems so abt and really fits into my life like a jig... Isn't it a nice feeling to know that someone out there share the same feelings as you are and these feelings really transcient everything we have known... We share the same thoughts and whisper them in this beautiful forest i call my home...
Have a nice hot drink(coffee for me), dim the lights and enjoy this piece which last for about 2 minutes... Please spare me the time... Hope you would appreciate what i truly enjoy!

Pilgrim
Pilgrim, how you journey on the road you chose
To find out where the winds die and where the stories go
All days come from one day that you must know
You cannot change what's over but only where you go
One way leads to diamonds, one way leads to gold
Another leads you only to everything you're told
In your heart you wonder which of these is true;
The road that leads to nowhere, the road that leads to you
Will you find the answer in all you say and do?
Will you find the answer in you?
Each heart is a pilgrim
Each one wants to know the reason why the winds die
And where the stories go
Pilgrim, in your journey you may travel far
For pilgrim it's a long way to find out who you are...
Pilgrim, it's a long way to find out who you are...

What a nice piece of work to behold... Shiok right?

Sunday Morning Rain

How nice for it to have rain on a sunday morning... Bet all of you guys and gals are lying cool in your bed with the sweetest dreams. Have not been sleeping well. The busy examination and Final Year Project month was keeping my mind so darn alert. Wonder what will happen when i become an air traffic controller! Guess i would have to sleep with my eyes open and teeth grinded. Sipritually, physically and mentally, i have drained.
Hace not been feeding my brain and keeping my mind keen on the religous stuffs i would like to read up on... may be the next book i will pick up will be "understanding islam"... I like to know more about the other religions to gain a better understanding of how religions can generate an ensemble of loyal believers and made them all believe the world revolves just around that religion. I have read this book "when religions becomes evil" and one of the points that came out and hit me strongly is when the religion preaches the absolute truth theory... That is only their religion and theirs alone is the one true way to god... i feel that such stance would create a "i m right, you are wrong" thinking... maybe the fact is "we are all right" and it just so happens we believe in a different version of the same history that was read to us in a different way... i hope to read more...
Oh yes! I guess the teachers of today is really going to have a rough time... I saw a sweet secondary school girl boosting about the fanciful vulgar language that she so politely delivered to her teacher... She felt that the teacher deserved it... Oh my god... what has happen to my world... Are the youths leading a hard time? Do they really have so much of deprivation and frustrations that needed to be vented on some poor souls who really wanted to help them do well? i have been a teacher and i know the stressful nature of the work and believe me... i was really quite depress for a while... for you guys who doubted the stressfulness of the job please go and try it then help me deal with the shit... even though i had an easy class but i guess i expected too much out of myself... hope my air traffic career will be a little more manageable...
"i feel fat!" Really need a good work out... sunday moring should have been soccer but the guys rae all so busy recently and none have time for a good game of soccer... tomorrow may be gym day and have not been torturing my biceps, triceps, and all the "xxx"ceps that ever needed to be pump up shall be accomplished soon... i hope...
I wish only for a dear friend of mine to quit smoking.... i really do... he says he wanna do it after the exams but it seems to me that he really does not want to... i have given my coffee but he is still with his little stick that eats his life away... Let wish for this poor soul to find the courage soon to stop...

No Title

Guess i should do some updating after such a long while... i am in the computer cluster now and dont seems to have any stories to share... Recent times have been of Human Resource, Materials for engineers, automation in manufacturing... I feel like puking! It really is ridiculous when you are going to work as an air traffic controller and the last few subjects you are taking are no where near your job scope! I will be taking out my notes in a few minutes time and while i will be reading them, the feeling i get will only be that of "IRONY"!! May be the world i lived in is ironic to the extent of being ridiculous... Or may be i have reached a cross road where taking the first step towards one route causes me to drool at the prospects of the other... Imagine going to an interview and think about trying to land our hands at other jobs! HA...ironic isn't it? We have always hear things like "go do what you want", "believe in yourself", "aim and achieve". BUT those are only on the pretext that you already know what you want! The problem is: I know NUTS about what i want...
Why must everything have pros and cons? Can't they be straight forward? Makes life easier if things are less complicated and we do not have to content with what we will be missing out. Example? Chasing the sexy bloke and forgoing the chance to go out with the beautiful ones! Life is like an oversized menu... We go to restuarants pondering what to eat, come to school choosing what subjects to take, go shopping choosing what shoes to buy, live our lives choosing who to walk besides... Never can we be contented because there are always other choices... Choices that gives you another shot at a different life altogether and to not live that different life is really to crave for it, isn't it?
I would love for an exciting life but sometimes it is really not possible unless i live another one... Maybe being contented is enough but it never is going to really convince me... i will just have to suffer the fate of my choices... Though not all my choices are bad, some however are that of uncertainties... Should i stand at the cross road and wait for the sexy bloke and the beautiful lady to come? Or bash my way out looking for the unexplored? No one can give me any inkling as to what i have to deal with... I hope it is not too much...
After reading this, you will feel that the above gives you nothing at all. You will not take anything away from it and it will not value add you... "Life just dont value add you in any way... If it does, you should feel enriched, but that is never going to be the case because for everything that you try to achieve, you left some down the road that fails to get picked up..."For that, this post is just nothing.... So discard everthing that you have read and "Go ahead to get what you want!"...
"what you cannot get is what you would most ultimately wished to pocess"
"Grass is always greener on the other side..."

目不转睛

这首歌献给你…
每一次想到我们还在恋爱
我都会笑的有一点开心
你让我在喧哗都市“目不转睛”…

小人物

我没有想过要把自己的见解塞满谁的脑袋
我没有想过要去侵犯谁的敏感地代
我的思维再细腻也只是为了合乎自己的情绪
就算是在怎么不堪一击
道出的都是自己经历的人生戏剧
伟大的事留给别人去忙碌
周遭的小小事务我来全情投入
独木桥的不拥挤
我想我能走出自己
阳光大道散发的光芒
我害怕会被刺伤
在人生的路途上
知己难寻
我有的猪朋狗友让我珍惜于关心
风花雪月的爱情我不谈过
简简单单的爱比较适合心情
今天到回家的感觉竟是这几天来
最快乐的事家的咖啡
溢出一些些温暖的可贵
这就是我的世界
我应该说是小人物的世界。。。

Simplicity

This is

simplicity....












..........

True Colours

Its 1445 now. Just had my bath and feeling all nice and clean. Its been a busy morning with no time for self reflection. I guess now seems to be the perfect timing. The process of reflecting made easier with this song playing out from my Altec lansing speakers...

"you with the sad eyes, dont be discourage...
Oh i realise,
its hard to take courage in a world full of people...
you can lose sight of it all...
and the darkness inside you
makes you feel so small..."

The last time i was doing something that i really like was the MTV video i made. It took me a long time to conceptualise and played with the software but it was really good... I feel good when i show it to my friends but it was especially sweet when your gal like what you have done...

I have not been doing things i would like to do for some time now. My final year project needs some rushing... My HRM project just got a whole new meaning today... The past week was littered with the notes that talked about paradigm shifts, diversities, learning imperative... They seem like the ocassional rainfalls recently that dampen the forest fires raging my passion for things l love to do in my life...

Maybe life is about making choices and conforming to some expectations of you in society... You can never really make the best choice but rather the choice that hurts you the least...

"Show me smiling...
don't be unhappy cant remember
when I last saw you laughing...
if this world makes you crazy...
and you've taken all you can bear...
you call me up...
because you know I'll be there..."

When was the last time you laugh hard without having to think about the unfinished work in the lab or the unstudied materials or the huge pile of work? What does it means to be really happy?
I guess i will always wander in this wispering forest searching for the right answer... Aren't there times when you laugh hard but ironically you asked yourself; i am laughing now, but do i really feel the happiness that is supose to come with this laughter?

How can i see my true colours? The true colours of the rainbows of life, of happiness, of all that matters?

"But I see your true colours shining through...
I see your true colors...
your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow..."

你落默的眼神,
到底隐藏了多少暗淡心酸。
你被世界驳回的勇气，
找到回心转意的借口吗？
我们在人群中走散，
为何越是用心越是灰暗。

我想还是微一微笑吧，
上一次的欢欣有了点陌生，
我们牵起它的小掌心，
道出一些些欢欣。

世界的七色彩红，
让它彩绘灰暗的心房。
绿草树木下乘一乘凉，
勇气也能恢复自然。
人群中也有我来陪伴，
路途还是好远，
我不会有放气你的想法。
TRUE COLORS SHINING THROUGH YOU

Separate-ness

In the life that we all lead, we simplify things to suit our extremely complex nature. In short, we short-changed ourselves many times. We jump to conclusions without even knowing the full detailed stories behind the many events that may have lead to the this particular ending. An example will be one that happen last sunday when the soccer buddies help out this malay uncle. There was this old man who came and sat on one of the stone benches at the void who concluded that the malay uncle had fell and cut himself. However, the real reason for the blood was because the paramedic lady wanted to take some blood sample and the blood had not dried up. The malay uncle did fall but bleeding was not a result of the fall... See how dangerous things get when we presume based on limited knowledge.

"...Assumption is the mother of all F***-ups..."- Marion, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

Now! The above is not the main topic!! Ha Ha! Separate-ness... is what i wanna share. I hope i am able to express myself well on this topic because i have jumped to conclusion based on my limited knowledge of this topic. Its like slapping myself in my face!! Ok.. Lets start!

Individuality and exclusivity in the present stage of socialisation and world order has changed people's perceptions and beliefs. "i wanna be the special one!", "i wanna stand out from the rest of the people!", "I am different from the rest of those losers!" would be a crude way to put into perspective these concepts. I find this very disturbing...

Separate-ness causes people to put themselves in a higher or lower position than others and this is why we have the Ku Klux Clan, Hitler's extermination of Jews, Slavery and western imperialism on asian turf. Call these good and i will fight it out with you! Ha ha ha... My point here is that when you classify people together based on things other than them being human beings, we run the risk of having history repeat itselves!! I implore Chee Wee and Willy to start loving our neighbours!!

Ok! So much so for world concerns... Let's look at a more personal field. We have people who advocate that they are make changes to their lives and now look at how sucessful they have become and we all losers can only watch and drool at their sucess... Wah! How impress am i by their attitude! I respect the way they choose to live about their lives and gives them credit for it but i do not necessarily have to accept that it is the way to live!!

"...life is like a balance beam, a weighing scale... you win some you lose some from somewhere..." Morgan

For them to have not found out what they have lost and celebrate like crazy how sucessful they have become is indeed a very SAD thing!!

Look at things in totality. Just like the Tai Ji Ying Yang symbol.... "depicts a circle representing the universe; within it is a rotating image of two water drop like shapes. The black (Yin) and white (Yang) seem to feed off each other; as one gets stronger the other gets weaker and as one gets weaker the other gets stronger, always maintaining a perfect balance..." Do not extract yourself out of the equation and see things only from one side of it... Put your self in the equation and equals the sides...

See yourself as different and your prejudice of others will grow... Rather than separate, let complement the nature of each... We all love to celebrate success and to win is good... But to win and see yourself still very much like all those around you is an even better deal... Let not separate yourself from each other...

"...we are the world... we are the children...." from a song...

Self-doubt

Hey there... I believe we will have moments in life whereby we have been overwhelmed by our very own doubts. These are dangerous thoughts that eroded the very meanings of the way you have lived thus far. You start to question your self, think about all the failures that you have encountered and then sulk for a while, you question your worth, the very meaning of existence and life itself.

I am in such state as i typed this seemingly embrassing post. Such weakness i portray! No good for interview... But hack! It then becomes an interest to me to wanna know if you guys fall into such state of mind once a while... I hope to get some feedback from you all... If you do, how do you overcome it.... share some view points and put it out for discussion. I think it is xtremely healthy(explains my talktiveness in HR classes).

"...in my deepest thoughts, i trek the worst of nightmares fighting the demons summoning me to bow to the Lord of Failures... leeches that drain my crimson blood drawing however little energy left in this wretched body... Depression creeps into this unguarded city of mind... In its the full force of destruction plunder this town called Mind. Pandemonium! Devastation an understatement... Cheers from Satan bears testiment to a new surcumbent..."

"...Be vigilant. Guard against your negative thoughts.." Buddah (channel news asia)

Its though this words that give you meaning and perspective in life again... there are many avenues for different people to derive new meanings to live this life that never comes again...

"...we only live this life once... live it the way you want..."
I must say again... Let not take the intended meaning of the phrase above to mean other things rather than live a life full of worth for others and for yourself... lets walk the path together...

Buddism

As i put down to words, my feeling for this moments is joy and excitement. Joy for being able to have looked at things at a new perspective and excited at being able to have a deeper and better understanding of some queries that bothers...

A few days ago, willy introduced to me a website on the buddism and i think i have benefited much from it. I hope he has benefitted from it too and i bet he would have as by doing so, he has brought joy at this very moment to me for he has indirectly enlightened me... i would like to thank him...

People have long thought of religions as old school of thoughts irrelevant to this age of Science and Technology explosion. It is, however, in my opinion that it is precisely in this age of extreme advancement that we cannot do without the very teachings of religions. In this era, we have experienced the Nuclear disasters, Holocaust, Natural disasters, Terrorist(from Checnya to Afganistan to Israel). No matter how Science has advanced and has become, we can never overcome the forces of nature if it is adament in its attempt to punish us. (P.S I say forces of nature not god.) Evidences? The bird flu has scientists over the world prancing up and down at the preposition that the virus, if successfully evolved, and transmission from human to human becomes a norm, it could wipe out 40 million people. As science tries hard to predict the on coming Tsunami and the world meets to discuss on the warning systems, it has already caused damage at such an extensive scale that shakes the very foundation on the lives that we try to build on. Terroist declaring war with the notion of it being ironically "holy" stop the world in its tracks as we saw the huge debris lying in the streets of a busy Washington's morning. Israel Palestine conflict over a seeming scared piece of land unrest the world as a peaceful resolution seems to be mytical. In conclude, we are in trouble. In fact, we are in trouble even with the explosion of science!

In religions, we seek solace but solace closed its doors on us. We begin to preach the absolute truth about the very essence of our own religion and try to convert as many people to our own cause. Christans, buddists, islamists, taoists are mostly trying to preach the absolute truth concept. Such is to miss the point on the concept of religion. Religions aim to resolve human sufferings and conflicts that is the common ideal that is being share by all. It is only in the teachings that may have differed. Let me share a story as taken form the web...

A chinese man calls a cup, "杯". a britain calls it "cup", french calls it "tasse", indonesian calls it "cawan". Every one started arguing and trying to prove their vert point on who has the best descriptions. They all took out their dictionaries and verfied the word they proposed. A buddist walk past and sensing the heated debated, took the cup filled it with water and drank straight from it. "AH!!! How nice for it to have quench my thirst! Do not argue the way in which it is called for as long as it serve it purpose let quench our thirst with it." It is precisely the strong persistance in the preaching of absolute truth in our own religion that is dangerous and that causes much pain to the world. All religions have a lot of similarities if you reached out to them.

Religion for me are more about philosophy rather than supertitious beliefs. I live in the same age as many of you but i an a firm believer about the power of the faith and religions. They do changed people's perspectives and actions. The changes are often than not for the better if a philosophical and critical appoarch is what they follow.

It has been too long my friend, i better stop here... If you are interested here is the site: http://www.buddhanet.net/index.html . I do strongly urge you to look at it...

好久

我想了好久，
好像还有，
还有我想而不会在有的情感。
我争辩好久，
好像是我，
是我忘了怎么握紧不放你的手掌。
我哭了好久，
好像干了，
干了眼眸的伤，湿了心里无法弥补的地方。
我接受了好久，
接受了承诺，
一个永远无法对线的承诺。

The ABCs of Friendship

A true friend:

Accept you for who you are,
Believes in you,
Calls you just to say "Hi",
Doesn't give up on you,
Envisions the best for you,
Forgives your mistakes,
Gives unconditionally,
Helps you,
Invites you over,
Jokes with you,
Keeps you close at heart,
Likes you for who you are,
Never judges without reason,
Offers support,
Picks you up,
Quiets your fears,
Raises you spirits,
Says nice things about you,
Tells you the truth,
Understands you,
Values you,
Walks beside you,
"X"-plains things you don't understand,
Yells when you don't listen and
Zaps you back to reality!

My sister cut this out from dunno where!! Very apt!! Kudos to good friends, good food and a fortunate life!!