True Colours

Its 1445 now. Just had my bath and feeling all nice and clean. Its been a busy morning with no time for self reflection. I guess now seems to be the perfect timing. The process of reflecting made easier with this song playing out from my Altec lansing speakers...

"you with the sad eyes, dont be discourage...
Oh i realise,
its hard to take courage in a world full of people...
you can lose sight of it all...
and the darkness inside you
makes you feel so small..."

The last time i was doing something that i really like was the MTV video i made. It took me a long time to conceptualise and played with the software but it was really good... I feel good when i show it to my friends but it was especially sweet when your gal like what you have done...

I have not been doing things i would like to do for some time now. My final year project needs some rushing... My HRM project just got a whole new meaning today... The past week was littered with the notes that talked about paradigm shifts, diversities, learning imperative... They seem like the ocassional rainfalls recently that dampen the forest fires raging my passion for things l love to do in my life...

Maybe life is about making choices and conforming to some expectations of you in society... You can never really make the best choice but rather the choice that hurts you the least...

"Show me smiling...
don't be unhappy cant remember
when I last saw you laughing...
if this world makes you crazy...
and you've taken all you can bear...
you call me up...
because you know I'll be there..."

When was the last time you laugh hard without having to think about the unfinished work in the lab or the unstudied materials or the huge pile of work? What does it means to be really happy?
I guess i will always wander in this wispering forest searching for the right answer... Aren't there times when you laugh hard but ironically you asked yourself; i am laughing now, but do i really feel the happiness that is supose to come with this laughter?

How can i see my true colours? The true colours of the rainbows of life, of happiness, of all that matters?

"But I see your true colours shining through...
I see your true colors...
your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow..."

你落默的眼神,
到底隐藏了多少暗淡心酸。
你被世界驳回的勇气，
找到回心转意的借口吗？
我们在人群中走散，
为何越是用心越是灰暗。

我想还是微一微笑吧，
上一次的欢欣有了点陌生，
我们牵起它的小掌心，
道出一些些欢欣。

世界的七色彩红，
让它彩绘灰暗的心房。
绿草树木下乘一乘凉，
勇气也能恢复自然。
人群中也有我来陪伴，
路途还是好远，
我不会有放气你的想法。
TRUE COLORS SHINING THROUGH YOU

Separate-ness

In the life that we all lead, we simplify things to suit our extremely complex nature. In short, we short-changed ourselves many times. We jump to conclusions without even knowing the full detailed stories behind the many events that may have lead to the this particular ending. An example will be one that happen last sunday when the soccer buddies help out this malay uncle. There was this old man who came and sat on one of the stone benches at the void who concluded that the malay uncle had fell and cut himself. However, the real reason for the blood was because the paramedic lady wanted to take some blood sample and the blood had not dried up. The malay uncle did fall but bleeding was not a result of the fall... See how dangerous things get when we presume based on limited knowledge.

"...Assumption is the mother of all F***-ups..."- Marion, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

Now! The above is not the main topic!! Ha Ha! Separate-ness... is what i wanna share. I hope i am able to express myself well on this topic because i have jumped to conclusion based on my limited knowledge of this topic. Its like slapping myself in my face!! Ok.. Lets start!

Individuality and exclusivity in the present stage of socialisation and world order has changed people's perceptions and beliefs. "i wanna be the special one!", "i wanna stand out from the rest of the people!", "I am different from the rest of those losers!" would be a crude way to put into perspective these concepts. I find this very disturbing...

Separate-ness causes people to put themselves in a higher or lower position than others and this is why we have the Ku Klux Clan, Hitler's extermination of Jews, Slavery and western imperialism on asian turf. Call these good and i will fight it out with you! Ha ha ha... My point here is that when you classify people together based on things other than them being human beings, we run the risk of having history repeat itselves!! I implore Chee Wee and Willy to start loving our neighbours!!

Ok! So much so for world concerns... Let's look at a more personal field. We have people who advocate that they are make changes to their lives and now look at how sucessful they have become and we all losers can only watch and drool at their sucess... Wah! How impress am i by their attitude! I respect the way they choose to live about their lives and gives them credit for it but i do not necessarily have to accept that it is the way to live!!

"...life is like a balance beam, a weighing scale... you win some you lose some from somewhere..." Morgan

For them to have not found out what they have lost and celebrate like crazy how sucessful they have become is indeed a very SAD thing!!

Look at things in totality. Just like the Tai Ji Ying Yang symbol.... "depicts a circle representing the universe; within it is a rotating image of two water drop like shapes. The black (Yin) and white (Yang) seem to feed off each other; as one gets stronger the other gets weaker and as one gets weaker the other gets stronger, always maintaining a perfect balance..." Do not extract yourself out of the equation and see things only from one side of it... Put your self in the equation and equals the sides...

See yourself as different and your prejudice of others will grow... Rather than separate, let complement the nature of each... We all love to celebrate success and to win is good... But to win and see yourself still very much like all those around you is an even better deal... Let not separate yourself from each other...

"...we are the world... we are the children...." from a song...

Self-doubt

Hey there... I believe we will have moments in life whereby we have been overwhelmed by our very own doubts. These are dangerous thoughts that eroded the very meanings of the way you have lived thus far. You start to question your self, think about all the failures that you have encountered and then sulk for a while, you question your worth, the very meaning of existence and life itself.

I am in such state as i typed this seemingly embrassing post. Such weakness i portray! No good for interview... But hack! It then becomes an interest to me to wanna know if you guys fall into such state of mind once a while... I hope to get some feedback from you all... If you do, how do you overcome it.... share some view points and put it out for discussion. I think it is xtremely healthy(explains my talktiveness in HR classes).

"...in my deepest thoughts, i trek the worst of nightmares fighting the demons summoning me to bow to the Lord of Failures... leeches that drain my crimson blood drawing however little energy left in this wretched body... Depression creeps into this unguarded city of mind... In its the full force of destruction plunder this town called Mind. Pandemonium! Devastation an understatement... Cheers from Satan bears testiment to a new surcumbent..."

"...Be vigilant. Guard against your negative thoughts.." Buddah (channel news asia)

Its though this words that give you meaning and perspective in life again... there are many avenues for different people to derive new meanings to live this life that never comes again...

"...we only live this life once... live it the way you want..."
I must say again... Let not take the intended meaning of the phrase above to mean other things rather than live a life full of worth for others and for yourself... lets walk the path together...